The Answer Guy Online

Providing information to unwitting victims on a "don't-need-to-know" basis since 1974.

Monday, September 30, 2002

Well, I’m back at work. Yesterday, I attended a protest march against the war in Iraq but my readers have already sifted through two essays full of anti-war commentary so instead I found the strangest news I could over the weekend and we’re going to have some fun tonight.

But I’m not quite finished with Iraq. Apparently, Saddam Hussein has an evil twin or something. Would Saddam’s “evil twin” be even more evil than Saddam? Or would he be more like “Bizarro Saddam,” in other words, a benevolent ruler? I hope the world’s soap opera writers and comic book creators weigh in on this important issue of international affairs.

While you’re pondering that, maybe you’d like to consult the Colonel.This story emanates from – where else – California. I read this story and am now wondering what the secret word was. “Yeah, I’d like the…um…extra crispy recipe, with the um…special herbs and spices. Yeah, that’s the ticket. I wanna get extra crispy tonight.”

It’s times like this that I wonder if Philadelphia’s newspapers have someone who does for Philly what Dave Barry or Carl Hiassen do for Miami. I don’t know if it’s comforting or disturbing that a Rolling Stones concert can still lead to something like this happening.

Apparently, the Rampant Rabbit vibrators, made popular when praised in an episode of “Sex And The City,” are undergoing a recall. You know – I can’t imagine that many people sent in the little product registration cards that would allow them to be notified of the recall. And this is the about the only time you can ever say “I’d like to return this sex toy” at a store and actually get your money back. It’s not as if there’s a secondary market for previously used marital aids.

Closer to home, it’s nice to know there’s a car repair shop in the Washington area where you can get a lube job on your exhaust pipe. And I don’t even own a car. Roughly along the same train of thought…thanks a lot, Craig. You’re right – I did not need to know this. But now, dear readers, you know too.


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