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Friday, October 10, 2003

Rant #2

After being treated to garish, over the top festivities, complete with a rendition of "God Bless America" that for all I know is still going on this very minute, in the Bronx (via the magic of television broadcasting) the last two evenings, I have a request for the Red Sox brass.

Besides a big Red Sox lead, this is what I most want to see for 7th inning stretch entertainment at the next three Fenway Park games...

I want Phish out there. Playing their cover of a Yes song. One of the ones that take up an entire side of a record album. It would also help if they could get Robert Fripp out there sitting in on lead guitar.

Add a patriotic fireworks display - preferrably augmented by red, white, and blue glow sticks in the audience - so that anyone who objects sounds like a dirty, unwashed, unpatriotic, Islamofascist, objectively pro-Saddam, anarchist, malcontent, Sandinista, hippie, pinko, commie Taliban sympathizer who hates America.

Maybe they can get Ben Affleck to recite the Gettysburg Address somewhere in there before the song. Or perhaps between the organ solos.

I want whoever is starting for the Yankees - if he's still in the game at the time - to sit there twiddling his thumbs through the entire obnoxious spectacle. Then he might - as Derek Lowe, Tim Wakefield, and Brad Radke have done before him at Yankee Stadium - walk the first two batters he faces.

Maybe then either MLB or the TV people would step in and put a stop to the 7th inning stretch silliness.

Or at least ban "Cotton Eye Joe."

Second in an occassional series.


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