The Answer Guy Online

Providing information to unwitting victims on a "don't-need-to-know" basis since 1974.

Monday, December 01, 2003

Free Man In Paris

Shortly before the debut of her new reality television show, sordid sex tapes featuring Paris Hilton and her ex-boyfriend show up. Hmmm....

This cannot be a coincidence. These days, just about any press is good press. (Besides, I've heard second hand that the hotel heiress is a dirty little girl, of the sort that every straight boy - whether they admit it or not - would like to have in the sack at least once or twice in his life.)

I have to admit that the name Paris Hilton - doesn't that even sound like the name of a adult film star? - barely registered with me before the scandal. I had an understanding she was some sort of "professional partier" - damn, I want that job - with way too much money on her hands.
When I first heard the name, I was like, "You mean someone in the Hilton family actually named their kid Paris? Does she have a brother named London? I just hope no one in the family got stuck with the first name Hanoi."

At least something constructive came from the tapes, besides the free publicity for Fox's latest stupid reality show: sex advice columnist Dan Savage pointed to the infamous "Paris Hilton sex tape" as evidence that it's perfectly fine, and in fact a good thing, for a guy to masturbate himself whenever his member isn't being directly tended to for some reason. As proof, he cites, Rick Solomon's..um..."performance" during the little peep show.

I haven't seen the Paris Hilton sex tape myself, so I can't really agree or disagree with Savage's use of the tape as a positive example.

As for the TV show, I probably won't watch. I don't like contrived "reality" programming. Here in Washington, I don't need footage of vapid celebrities (or wanna-be vapid celebrities - or is that vapid wanna-be celebrities?) making fools of themselves to make me feel superior; I get enough of that watching the federal and D.C. governments.

The whole time I was thinking to myself "That other girl is Lionel Richie's daughter? She looks kinda pale - I know Lionel is pretty light skinned and all, but she looks as whitebread as I do. Or maybe Lionel married an Icelandic woman or something."

Maybe it was the television.

OK, OK, I confess...this entry is an experiment to see how much of a traffic boost I get from making repeated references to the Paris Hilton sex tape.


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