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Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Polarity

Anna Benson, former stripper and wife of New York Mets pitcher Kris Benson, is getting her own "reality" television show. I'm not sure why they call these things "reality" television; it doesn't get much less real than contrived profiles of celebrities, particularly if they are primarily famous for, well, being famous.

She got a lot of attention for claiming on the Howard Stern show that if she caught Kris cheating on her, she would sleep with all of his teammtes, including the coaches and staff. Some people have wondered if this was the reason the Mets seem to be doing so well on the free-agent market this offseason, with Pedro Martinez, Carlos Beltran, and possibly Carlos Delgado set to play for that other baseball team in New York.

In the interview linked to above, she now claims there are guys on the team she wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole, but of course names no names; maybe it's just that midget that Pedro Martinez started carrying around him last season for good luck.

The interview in general is a comedy goldmine - my favorite part is the part about how Benson is going to get "whatever [sexual favors] he wants" if he wins the Cy Young. Not only is the idea of terminally medicore Kris Benson winning the Cy Young funny, contemplating exactly what they would do is funny. (She does realize that she's married to a pro athlete - who can have with sex with a woman - or a man, for that matter - whenever he wants, right? Right?)

Benson is probably the funniest pro athelete's wife out there right now. One of her main competitors is a woman who is Anna Benson's polar opposite in nearly every wayBrenda Warner, wife of NFL QB Kurt Warner.

She's one of the more unattractive quasi-celebrities I can recall in terms of looks and is (like her husband) a really loud evangelical Christian. She made headlines and entered the realm of the truly ridicule-worthy by calling into a sports talk station to bitch about how her husband was being treated, complete with eminently mockable religious references. Kurt Warner has yet to live this down.

Both their husbands now play in the Big Apple.

If they're going to have a tiresome reality show where Anna Benson gets to show off both her talents (the left one and the right one), I think it'd be much more interesting if it involved both her and Brenda Warner.

I wonder if they'd annihilate each other like matter and antimatter. On the other hand, maybe their powers to annoy are synergistic rather than conflicting.


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