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Monday, February 14, 2005

Trilogy of Terror

A group of us held our Second Annual Razzies Film Festival Saturday night, at which we watched the three most nominated films this year:
"Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2," "White Chicks," and "Catwoman."

Which one was the worst? Hard to tell. "Catwoman" was the one that took itself seriously. It was also the longest of the three films and had the most stretches where most of us were lost for words. It did manage to exploit the considerable sex appeal of Halle Berry in a leather cat suit, but it was otherwise a tedious affair. The less attention one paid to the plot, involving an evil cosmetics company about to mass market a product is knows is toxic, the better.

"Superbabies" had the flimsiest reason to exist, being an unasked-for sequel to the enormous critical and commerical bomb "Baby Geniuses." They couldn't even get original "stars" Christopher Lloyd and Kathleen Turner and when it came to casting a hero, they settled on...Scott Baio. It had dubbing that made the dubbing found in most kung-fu flicks look masterful, had even more ridiculous "Matrix"-ripoff combat sequences than "Catwoman" did, and included a lot of crotch kicks for what I think was supposed to be a kiddie movie. It also featured Jon Voight and a painfully awful eeeevil German accent. The only good thing I can say about it is that it was, including credits, only 88 minutes long. Director Bob Clark started out with "A Christmas Story," a kid movie that hits all the right notes. And then he made this.

And "White Chicks" caused the most discomfort of the trio with its litany of ethnic, sexual, and bodily "humor." I'm not sure what movie they were supposed to be satirizing but it's not one any human being would watch. On the other hand, it did include some amusing cinematic allusions, even throwing one scene that served as a homage to both "Showgirls" and "Carrie." We hated every last character in this movie, but I'd have to say if I had to (at knifepoint) watch one of these movies again, it'd probably be this one.

My vote for the worst of the three: With reluctance, "Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2." I can't think of any possible audience for this movie.


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